INVENTIVE IIII

On this web page, you will find some things that don’t currently exist (at least as far as I know), though I think they should. However, I’m not an engineer or a businessman, so I won’t be making any of these inventions on my own. But if you want to do it, I encourage you. I don’t even ask for any of the money or the fame. I simply want my ideas to make a significant positive impact on the world.

Extended Turn Signals

Imagine the following situation: You’re driving nice and fast in the left lane of a major highway, enjoying a good song on the radio. Then you see a sign indicating that your exit is one mile away. Oh, no! You have to cross over four lanes of traffic in less than a mile.

Now there’s a truck in the next lane who is currently in your blind spot. Since there’s nobody ahead of you, you push the accelerator. In a few seconds, you have cleared the truck, and you move into the next lane. That’s two down, two to go.

Now you have a similar situation: there’s a sports car in your blind spot. Again you hit the accelerator. But the driver of the sports car sees your right-turn signal, so they speed up to keep you from getting in front of them. With a sigh, you tap the brakes to let them pass you, and then you switch lanes.

This time, the convertible on your right is slightly ahead of you, but there’s enough space behind it. So you tap your brakes and let the convertible pass. As you’re about to switch lanes, you suddenly see that the driver of the car behind the convertible has sped up in order to prevent you from getting in front of them. You shout curse words at them as you pass by your exit.

Well, here’s my idea. Let’s add a second right-turn signal (and a second left-turn signal) to your car. The meaning of a single flashing light doesn’t change; it means you want to switch lanes or turn. But if you activate both of the lights on the right (or left), that doesn’t mean that you just want to switch to the next lane. It indicates that you want to move to the next lane and then switch lanes again or turn. Then, wouldn’t that SOB in your blind spot be more likely to let you enter their lane in front of them, since they know that you’ll be moving to the next lane soon, and they’ll be able to speed up after you go? And how about the car behind that convertible? If they know you’re trying to exit, and they see the exit just ahead, they might have compassion and let you through. Or, more likely, they might be worried that you would do something stupid in order to catch the exit, like swing across both lanes when there’s barely enough room to do it. Then they might wisely drive a little more defensively until you were gone.

Another way the additional turn signals could be used would be in a situation where a stoplight has two lanes for turning left. If you are in the second lane from the left, approaching the stoplight, and you have your left-turn signal on, today it is ambiguous. It could simply mean that you will be turning left at the intersection. Alternatively, you might be signalling a lane change to the left, before you reach the stoplight (and then, of course, you will turn left at the intersection). But once my idea has become prevalent, everyone will know that one left-turn signal means you will not be changing lanes before you turn left, because if you were, you would have used the double-left turn signal.

Networked Clocks

Personally, I don’t understand why they’re still selling clocks that are unable to receive a signal from the network to tell them exactly what time it is. It really annoys me when the electricity goes out, even for only a few seconds, because it means that I’ll need to reset several different clocks around my home. The battery-powered clocks are unaffected by an electricity outage, but they run slow, so I have to reset them periodically, too. But I never have to fix the clock on my cell phone, because it gets the exact time via wireless signals. Now I ask: Why can’t all clocks do that?

Smart Snooze

The snooze button on alarm clocks is a clever idea, but there are times when you keep pushing the snooze button whenever the clock rings, so that the time you actually get up is indeterminate. I would like to have an alarm clock that works in the following way. Suppose I want to get up at 6:00 am. So I set my alarm clock for 6:00 am and go to sleep. Then, the alarm clock actually begins to ring at 16 minutes to 6:00. If I really don’t want to get up yet, I’ll hit the snooze button. Then it rings again at 8 minutes to 6. I can hit the snooze again if I want to. The next ring comes at 4 minutes to 6. Then the alarm times are 2 minutes to 6, 1 minute to 6, 30 seconds to 6, 15 seconds to 6, 8 seconds to 6, 4 seconds, 2 seconds, and 1 second. And if I have actually pressed the snooze button all eleven times, the snooze button will no longer stop the alarm’s ringing, so I can’t get any more sleep. And I’m up by 6:00 am, just like I planned.

Electronic Road Signs

Unless it would be prohibitively expensive, I think it would be a good idea to make the signs on the side of the road electronic, so that their information could be changed by typing a few keys into a computer instead of building completely new signs to replace the old ones. Here are two examples of how electronic road signs could be useful:

Everyone knows that you’re supposed to drive slower in inclement weather, but nobody knows just how much slower. This means that the person who thinks the weather is bad enough that people should be driving 20 on the highway might not understand that they should be in the right lane with their hazard lights flashing. Also, if a lunatic is driving 65 in a snowstorm, and the speed limit signs say 65, then the police can’t do anything about it. My solution is to make the speed limit signs electronic. Then, depending on the weather, the police could change the speed limit easily. People might disagree with their decision, but at least we would all understand what the baseline speed limit is and make our own choices accordingly.

Electronic road signs would also make it possible for Congress to pass a law increasing the numbers on all speed limit signs by 10 mph. Then the signs would specify the real speed limit. Today, most people know that it’s okay to drive 10 mph faster than the posted speed limit, but I think it would really be nicer if the letter of the law was the same as its intent.

Friendly Car Horns

Currently, car horns are only capable of blaring. Although the driver can control the volume and the duration of the blare, it’s still a very unfriendly sound. I think the blare should only be used in case of emergencies, such as when a truck is moving into your lane while you’re in the driver’s blind spot. But if you see a friend and want to say hi, you should be able to use a much more pleasant tone. And when the car in front of you hasn’t noticed that the light has turned green, is it really so urgent that you need to make their heart jump and startle anybody else who happens to be in the vicinity.

What I would like is a better way for one driver to communicate with another driver. But, given the prevalence of road rage, I don’t think they should be able to say whatever they want in any tone and volume. Instead, I would suggest a limited set of messages that can be sent, all of which are polite. Here is an example conversation between two drivers. (Translating it back into road-rage language is an exercise left to the reader.)

Opposite Reaction Car Horns

Don’t you hate it when a driver gets mad and honks their car horn so loudly that it makes you jump? How inconsiderate. And dangerous. Even if they weren’t angry at you in particular, you still get the same effect. Well, I think it would discourage this kind of thoughtless behavior if all cars had an opposite reaction car horn installed. It would work like this: Whenever the driver honks their horn, then at some random time after that, the horn will honk inside their car with exactly the same sound as before.

Friendly Road Bumps

Even if I’m driving slowly, I still have to go over the road bumps that upset me and my passengers and probably do a little damage to the car too. What if each road bump had two relatively flat strips crossing it, so that, if you drove slowly enough, you could align your car’s wheels with the flat strips and drive through smoothly.

Sex Radio

There are sports radio stations, religious radio stations, news radio stations, etc. But imagine if you could tune in to WXXX (or KXXX) to listen to the Sex Station. There, you would hear call-in shows with people talking about sex, sex lessons, sex counseling, etc. And, of course, through all of this, you would hear people moaning and screaming in the background. If you just want to hear the talk, then turn off the left speaker. Alternatively, if you’re only interested in the sexual sounds, turn off the right speaker.

Autoflush Toilets

I think we can agree that those public toilets that flush automatically can be very annoying, because they often flush too early. So, if you’re sitting on the toilet, you get an undesirable splash at random times. It’s because the trigger isn’t terribly accurate. I think that the trigger should be connected to the stall door, so that the toilet doesn’t flush until the door is unlocked.

Elevator Chairs

For you people who are so lazy that you take the elevator instead of the stairs, I bet you’d like it if there was someplace to sit in the elevator. Well, what about attaching a fold-up seat to the back wall. When you want to sit, you pull it down. It’s long enough for three or four people. And then when everybody stands up, it springs back against the wall.

Light Belts

“Mommy, all the kids at school have light belts!!! You wear it around your waist just like a regular belt, and then the colorful lights on it start flashing. You can choose from different light patterns and various flash sequences. My best friend has pink lights that spin in circles around her. Another boy I know has one that flashes a red ring, then a white ring, and then a blue ring. But what I really want is the one that slowly spells out my name in different-colored letters.”

Head-Supporting Chairs

Washer-Drier Machines

I can’t believe that we still have separate washer and drier machines. Is there something I don’t know that makes it impossible to connect them? I want to dump my clothes in a basket, and then, at the push of a button, they automatically move into a washing machine. When that’s done, they get pushed into a drier. And then they’re finally dumped into another basket, all clean. How about two or three baskets at each end on conveyor belts, so that I can line up all of my loads in advance?

Water Horns

I wonder if it would be possible to design a musical instrument filled with water? So the sound would vibrate through water instead of air. Would that instrument play beautiful music with a unique sound? Perhaps the instrument would need to be totally immersed in water, and the listeners would need to be underwater to hear it.

Weighted Straws

You know how, when you put a straw in a glass or can of carbonated soda, it won’t stay down? The bubbles push it to the top. Isn’t that annoying? But if the bottom of the straw was made heavier, wouldn’t that prevent the straw from floating?

Facing Shower Heads

One of the things that lovers sometimes like to do is shower together. But when they do, only one of them can stand right under the water at a time, while the other has to hang out in the cold. But if there were two shower heads, one at each end of the bathtub, then the shower heads could be adjusted so that both people are in the water all the time. Also, what if two people want to shower at the same time? The standard way to deal with this problem is to take turns. But imagine starting the day by showering with your spouse, even if you’re only doing it to clean yourselves.

Caffeinated Toothpaste

Do you need that cup of coffee every morning? Well, how about if your toothpaste was spiked with caffeine? That would not only encourage you to brush your teeth, but you could also get out of the house and head to work faster.

Wireless Leashes

I can’t run nearly as fast as my dog can. So in order for him/her to get the exercise he/she really wants, I like to take him/her to a relatively safe place and unhook the leash. This is usually okay, because he/she is trained to come when I call him/her. The problem is that he/she thinks that obeying the “come” command is optional. So if he/she is doing something he/she thinks is important, he/she will choose not to obey my command. Now, if he/she is on the leash, one quick pull of the leash is sufficient for him/her to get the idea. Okay. Sometimes it takes two tugs. What I’d like to have is a device that would cause his/her collar to pull backwards whenever I press a button. Even better would be if the collar would pull him/her in the direction that he/she should go to get to me. But if it only pulls the collar backward, that should be sufficient to draw him/her away from whatever it is that he/she is busy doing.

Heated Dolls

I know that one purpose of a doll is to aid a child in imagining that he or she is a parent. And toward this end, dolls are given features like the ability to cry or to pee, to make them more like real babies. Well it seems to me that a significant difference between babies and dolls is that babies are warm, while dolls are cold. So why not manufacture dolls that are automatically heated to make them feel much more like babies when they are hugged? Along the same lines, stuffed animals could also be automatically heated.

Pipe Pointers

Doggy Potties

I can’t understand why nobody has ever invented an indoor toilet for dogs. It shouldn’t be too difficult, since dogs can be trained to do the most amazing things. (In the movie, Due Date, a dog acted like he was masturbating!) So the only challenge is to make it physically possible for dogs to use the toilet. It could be as simple as using a plastic tub that is large enough for the dog to fit in, with cat litter on the bottom. Here’s a picture of the litter “box” I have for my three cats. If the sides were a little lower so that a dog could step inside, then I don’t see why the dog couldn’t use it too. There might be a problem if a boy dog lifts his leg to pee, but a boy dog can be trained to pee like a girl.

PIN Gloves

A problem with typing your PIN into an ATM or a pad is that somebody might be looking over your shoulder. And a problem with using fingerprints to verify your identity is that somebody might cut off your hand. (Or maybe that only happens in the movies…) A more secure way to access something is to use PIN gloves, which are glove-shaped boxes that are attached to a flat surface. First, you put your hands into the PIN gloves and lay all ten of your fingers on the finger pads on the bottom of the PIN gloves. The device tests your fingerprints. Then you enter your PIN, with your fingers representing the numbers from 0 to 9 going from your left pinky finger to your right pinky finger. Voilà! A safer way to enforce security!

Moving Offices

Imagine this. You’re sitting in your office chair in front of your desk, busily working (or playing) on your computer. At a scheduled time, a plate underneath you slowly moves you, your chair, your desk, and your computer along a track. There’s no need for you to stop what you’re doing. Then, the front door automatically opens, and the plate carries you outside. After you have absorbed the minimum daily requirement of sunlight, the plate takes you back into your home and the door closes.

Chocolate-Covered Gobstoppers

Phone Fence

Often, when I'm carrying my mobile phone, my fingers wrap around the sides and touch the face of the phone. This can have some undesirable effect, like pressing a button I didn't want to press. Now, I do have a protective phone case, and that helps. But I still can't hold the phone as well as I would like to, because the sides are small. The phone drops out of my hand sometimes.

My idea is to add a short rubber fence to the case that goes around the outside of the top of the phone. Then I can hold the phone securely by wrapping my fingers around it like I would if I was holding anything else.