| I have multiple personality disorder. And each of them are seeing different therapists! |
| I used to believe that a good healthy marriage was not possible; that people are not capable of fulfilling a lifetime commitment. Now I believe that if two people sit in the back seat and let God do the driving, neither one will get out of the car... because He's going too fast! |
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Here's a great prank to play on your friends or enemies: When
the target is in the shower, totally vulnerable, enter the bathroom,
and light a match under the fire sprinkler, which will set it off,
completely drenching the poor soul. He'll never forgive you! |
Who is Number 1?
No. one. |
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White cat: Mother is home from the grocery store.
Black cat: Great! Let's go see what she bought.
White cat: She bought chicken.
Black cat: And I see fish.
White cat: And there's beef. Wow! If mother gave me chicken and fish and beef, I'd be nice to her for an entire day.
Black cat: Oh, I'd do it just for the halibut. |
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Let me explain! I'm just a guy.
That means I have one 'X' and one 'Y'.
It also means if you've got two 'X',
then all that I want from you is...
a close and meaningful friendship.
Of course. |
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What's the best thing about being humble?
You get to eat humble pie!
There was a pair of Siamese twins who were joined at the groin. And after they reached puberty, they were pregnant all the time! |
| I try to obey the traffic laws. And I'll tell you that 20mph is really slow. And at 15mph, the trees start passing you! |
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I want instant gratification, and I want it NOW!!! |
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It's fairly easy to rhyme in Hebrew. That's because most feminine nouns end with the sound /ah/. And when a feminine noun is used, often the verb ends with /ah/ too. And so do all of the adjectives. In fact, the most common syllable in the language is /ha/, which means "the". When you think about, Hebrew really is an /ah/-full language.
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I'll bet you $100 that I'm going to lose this bet!
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When Vasco Núñez de Balboa discovered the Pacific Ocean, his first mate said to him, "Captain, since you discovered this ocean, you have the honor of naming it."
"Okay," he replied. "I will name it... (dramatic pause) the Ocean!"
"Oh. Well... wouldn't you like to be more specific?" the first mate asked.
"Good idea. I will name it... (dramatic pause) the Specific Ocean!" |
